Sunday, July 11, 2010

Black Man Law No. 74: Black Men and Their Suits


Now whether it is business, a night out at an extravagant event, or just making a way to Sunday service. I like suits. So do women also. Do you know that women love how a suit is made on a man, especially a black man. I get compliments left and right. I even had one woman tell me. "You could have smell like S*&^ and I would still try to rip your clothes off because of that suit." (bear in mind I did not know how to take that one because that one was simply left field..... over the foul line left field. Even though people love suit. It is also the way you wear the suit. Let me break it down.


One Friday Night, I was at an Older Night Club and I saw three guys dressed up like this....


I also saw the same situation the following Saturday evening at a wedding reception and the following Sunday at a church that I go to occassionally. I just want to know. What are the rules of Black Men and Suits?

While thinking about this. I am chillin with three of my guest playing Spades today. They are the following

Everybody's favorite blogger, The Great AverageBro. You can follow him on averagebro.com

Everybody favorite comedic blogger. The Man They Call Leon. You can follow him on listentoleon.net.

...and Everybody favorite preacher. Rev. Uppity Negro. You can follow him at uppitynegronetwork.com.

Gentleman, What are thought about this? What are the rules of Black Men and Suits?

The Man They Call Leon - these are six general rules for Black Men(or
men in general) and Suits. Feel free to use 'em, and let me know when you
publish them with a link back to my site :)

Rule #1:
Pinstripes should not be TOO WIDE. If it looks like I can park a
car between the stripes in your suit, your shit is tacky.

Rule #2: Your suit jacket should have no more than three buttons.
Otherwise, you look like you borrowed your outfit from a '97
NFL Draft
Pick.

Rule #3: Your suit should not be shiny. The only time this is marginally
acceptable is if you are onstage in somebody's singing group, or if you
have bitches on the stroll, selling their body for money. If you are not
an actual pimp or greasy R&B singer, leave the shiny suits alone.

Rule #4: Buy a suit that fits, or visit a tailor. Nobody looks cool in a
suit that looks like it belongs to your older brother. Likewise,
nut-huggers and jackets that are too tight to close looks just as
ridiculous, if not more so.

Rule #5: Avoid bright ass colors and gaudy patterns. Your suit should say
"I'm effortlessly stylish" as opposed to "LOOK AT ME! I WANT ATTENTION,
WHICH IS WHY I HAVE ON
LIME GREEN WITH ORANGE PLAID LINES ACROSS IT!"

Rule #6: Dry-clean your suit from time to time. All the cologne and
bathing in the world won't help you if your suit smells like someone was
buried in it.


The Great AverageBro - I’m not exactly a fashion conscious dude myself, but I got some basic rules.

· No neon colors.

· Jacket shouldn’t reach your knees.

· More than 4 buttons is a no-no.

· Look at the side-eye from dude in the back with the white shirt on

· Funny as you might find this photo, reality is, this look does it for some women. These guys didn’t wear this sh*t to get props from us, they wore it for the *******! Some lady thinks this is a good look, whether we do or not.


Master Ace - Yeah, I always thought this was good for steppers when you matching with your lady. Other than that, I always thought this was something out the Playa's Ball Offical Gear with the new scent "Pimphand." Smell so good, it slaps your women for you.


Rev. Uppity Negro - The Friday after Father’s Day me and my mother took my dad to a blues club here in our neighborhood and there happened to be another birthday party that was there. And I saw older men, 50+ wearing FULL get ups. One guy had on a full Easter suit, another gentleman had on ALL yellow, and I mean ALL yellow. His baseball cap covered a perm—with a bump. And the husband or perhaps brother of the birthday girl wore a blue jean outfit styled like a 70s style leisure suit, with weird blue striped cuffs and collars. His hat was a tam styled out of denim and brimmed with the same awkward striped print.

These men all broke a myriad of fashion rules as far as I’m concerned. As a young man, I really am curious as to were these fashions ever in style in the first place! Honestly, someone thought it was a good idea to design these costumes, and clearly these men thought it was an even better idea to buy them. Seriously, some of these clown outfits go passed the standard fashion faux pas of owning a suit from the Steve Harvey or Michael Steel suit collection, and we’ve crossed into ghetto prom attire wear. These outfits seem only worthy of on display at HotGhettoMess.com or coming across the fashion tragedy years that were 1986 to approximately 1994 when people went to clubs and stood in front of drab cloth backdrops with a hodge podge of fashion no-nos.

The simplest rule of suit fashion for black men these days should be: if has more than three visible buttons don’t buy it. This immediately cancels out many of the bad suits in their entirety because they pride themselves on being extra and flamboyant and adding random flaps, vents and buttons. And even true contemporary suits are favoring a European cut with two buttons and slim fitting clothes. From there, here are my following rules for men and suits:

1. Don’t buy a suit and shoes of the same color. It’s tacky and it’s doing too much. I do NOT want to see your mustard colored suit with matching gators. All of the same color hurts my eyes and then makes me wonder what other weird colors you may own.

2. Don’t buy a suit just because it’s a different color of what you already own. Feel free to buy a different suit with a different cut and different styling from what you already own.

3. You closet shouldn’t look like a combination of Skittles flavors. Let me put this as plain as possible: gentlemen need a black, brown, gray and navy blue suit, any derivation from those colors, I seriously begin to question why you are buying suits in the first place.

4. Don’t try and buy a suit that your fashion-challenged pastor decided to buy. Look, black folk like to look good when we go to church and it’s a veritable fashion show at certain churches. Don’t try and buy a suit that “outdoes” another suit, you both come off as looking tacky and classless.

5. Don’t but a suit five sizes too big for “Lil’ Man” hoping he’s going to grow into it. I’m sick and damn tired of seeing mothers buy these suits for their sons that are CLEARLY too big for them, expecting that they’ll grow into it, and the son is already 16 years old. Even if he does grown, he’s not going to want that suit anymore.

6. Take the tag off the sleeve. If I see one more grown man running around with the little name brand tag still on the suit I’m going to scream. The tell tale sign of a good designer can be told from the cut of the suit from a distance, not because you can still read the tag of the name brand of the suit.

There’s also the issue of suit accessories that needs to be dealt with. There are certain cuts of collars on shirts and that needs to be addressed when purchasing ties as well. And while I’m on that subject, don’t buy shirts and ties that clash—while you’re trying to be fashion forward, it comes off as tacky. I don’t want you looking like a copy-cat version of Jamal Bryant who decided to wear a crush velvet number and God knows what shirt and tie combo he had on – or like the following:

Master Ace - whoa, what was that, rayon? Did he have on a rayon tie? Well my thing is this. My perspectives on suits are plain and simple. Two buttons and three buttons is very custom style for me. After three, I am thinking you are trying to make me look like Raggedy Andy. I am also a person that likes my suits tailored so my pants don’t look like you can see my wang print. If three buttons, the middle just needs to be button up or if it is two, you could either do the same or left over right like Prince Charles. For colors, I am a basic black or navy type person with maybe white shade-style pinstripes here and there. Those loud colors (red, yellow, money-green, blue, etc.) make you look like a clown or just stand-out like the heavyweight champion of pimps. Ties and shirt have to blend in or that jacket will have you looking like Tyrone Bigums from Chapelle Show. Oh and I am not getting caught looking like Craig Sager unless it is Halloween and I am playing Bishop Don Magic Juan in a HBO Special about his life. The only person that can get away with that for now is Don Cherry, the hockey commentator, and that is because I believe he just nuts anyway.

purple_pink-suits

…..Just to think about, both of them are nuts for wearing those suits. Still, it is made for twitter and blogger punchlines.

So Let make this Black Man Law fellas.

Black Man's Law No. 74: Have a suit that fits you, Blend, do not coordinate (like Pops would say), Make sure your pinstripes are thin, no more than 4 button, and NO LOUD COLORS.

So for the classy ladies, if your man got a Steve Harvey Collection suit that look like he either worn in 1996, has those "Skittles" color going on, and everything is matching his outfit. Do us a favor, Save $100 or more and find him something that will make you want to tear him up. Their is a reason why some entertainers and young athletes wear stuff, because they can get away with it after doing something above the norm.

What are your thoughts on Black Men and the appropriate way to wear a suit?







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