Yesterday and This morning I kept reading and hearing this “Lonely Black Woman in America” post (which I have read almost 100,000 times in 9 years). I can tell you that it really is starting to irk me. As much as I want to say that BW can date outside cause you know the saying “Light is Right.” Black women failed to realize that there are differences in success and happiness. I want to be like forget this, but now I might as well since I have been hearing about this since 2001 I heard this yesterday on ABC , I might as well put my two cents in this. I really care less, my parents have been married for over 35 years, and my sisters have been married for respectively 15 and 25 years. This is just how I look at how they have dealt with this situation.
Unless it is the Bible, your way toward love DOES NOT come in a book.
I had to tell the Queen this when we first started dating. She was reading that Steve Harvey book and was telling Steve Harvey said this and he said that. One of our disagreements was about trust and I remember flat out telling her “You can’t get that from a book.” When Black Women turn to these books and articles talking about how men can love you, It reminds me of that Billy Bob Thornton quote from the movie “School for Scoundrels” when talking to the guys who were too nice.
How many of you have self-help books? Okay, that's your first problem. You can't help yourself, because your *self* sucks!
I know that sounds harsh, but get the picture. You have to learn before you can find anything. That is like taking a class on Calculus when you don’t know basic math or driving a standard shift Ferrari when you never drove a car, let alone a stick, at all. I just felt that Steve Harvey book was the most BS any woman can get. The reason is that all men, just like women are different. You might encounter this top notch athlete, successful businessman, street preacher, and a guy from the “Big Bang Theory” all in one month and you can never say that all four have the same MO. You have to learn from your mistakes in order to find the person that is compatible to you. A wise lady always told me “In order to find the root, you have to shed the stems.” That means to be married, you have to find your strength and weakness in you and also what can your mate do to “complete you.” Yeah I know, sound so Jerry MacGuire-ish.
Quit Stereotyping
Most successful black women have this in common with almost every species in the universe. They tend to stereotype black men. Well I would like to explain but Dave Chappelle can explain it way better. Roll Tape!
Enough said, but there are “Man Rules.” You will have to consult with your neighborly intelligent male figure in your life.
Talk to people who have been married for years……not months or never been.
A famous thing I tell people is that when you having car trouble, you talk to a person who deal with cars, when you deal with education in your major, you talk to somebody that has graduated in your major, and when you talk about marriage, you talk to people who has been married for decades. When black women really figure that out, they will win the battle in relationships. Black women tends to talk to their friends (married for just months or never) about finding the man that will best suit you. If cannot find a couple like that or that’s the problem, consult with God and he will not lead you astray.
Sometimes you settle when you don’t think you are.
I know people are said in their minds “Huh,” but peep the scenario. Some single black women say that they are settling not to settle, but love is not a settlement. If you are dating just brothers and think a second that in your unrealistic standard of life that you like somebody that is 100% compatible, you are really in for a rude awaking. Single black women are always the first to say “I am not perfect.” But always expect perfection. What do you expect, for this guy come, do, and say the right thing at all cost. Look, from experience it is not the way it happens. So expand your horizons. Black men do not mind because we have been that way.
Shopping decreases you values. Investing increase your value.
There is an old saying I go by when me and my friend have our guy talk. It goes like this:
“When it comes to life, I like to invest. Shopping is for comers and goers.”
I treated my love life like the stock market. There is shopping, which black women do, but that is called “weeding out what can be a long-term deal.” After I found that stock that fits me, I invest. Now after the investment, it is up to me to work the value of the stock. Sometimes the stock went up and other times it went down. The point is I wanted to be consistent and that is a good thing. Black women have to learn that not all men that look good may not and guy that are not good can be better.
In closing, I really think Black women are the strongest women on earth. Brothers (Well, at least some) and other males do to because you all know how to hold it down. I hope each woman can find somebody because like Usher said “Nobody wants to be alone.”
SA
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